Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLERI will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
PHYLLIS DILLER