I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
PHYLLIS DILLERI am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
PHYLLIS DILLERAlways be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
PHYLLIS DILLERIt’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
PHYLLIS DILLEROld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
PHYLLIS DILLERRemember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
PHYLLIS DILLER… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
PHYLLIS DILLERI was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
PHYLLIS DILLERWhen you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
PHYLLIS DILLERI always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
PHYLLIS DILLERDo not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
PHYLLIS DILLERI love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
PHYLLIS DILLERThey just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
PHYLLIS DILLER