Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
PHYLLIS DILLERI love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
-
-
You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLER -
If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
PHYLLIS DILLER