I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLERI spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLERAlways be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
PHYLLIS DILLERYou know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
PHYLLIS DILLERA smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLERComedy is tragedy revisited.
PHYLLIS DILLERI serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLERI never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLERCleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
PHYLLIS DILLERIf you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
PHYLLIS DILLERI asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
PHYLLIS DILLERWhen I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
PHYLLIS DILLERThis woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
PHYLLIS DILLER