It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLERCleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
PHYLLIS DILLER