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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

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Before Clean Grow House Kid Shovel Snow Stop Up

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beautiful Bribe Comedy Everything Goes Got Realize Somebody Step Train
My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLER

All Life Own Real Thing
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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Come Enemy Geet House Mess Really Strange Win
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Brisk Excercise Good Idea Sit
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLER

Feature Made never That What
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Comedy Revisited Tragedy
It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bed Course Fang Gone Mad Month Three True Was Year
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beuty Estimate Hour Seven Shop Spent
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
PHYLLIS DILLER

Cloth Doctor Go Look Love Man Say Take
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
PHYLLIS DILLER

Chance Housework Kill Rake You
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Children Dust Furniture Love Name Write Yera
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Exactly Friend Laugh Look Man Passport Photo Picture Realize
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Humble Keep Know Mirror
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women

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