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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’

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Feature Made never That What

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In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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Constant Difference Other Same Song Technology Thought Wine Year
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Buy Get Gun Husbvband Into No Reply Say Shop Women
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
PHYLLIS DILLER

Feature Made never That What
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bed Fight Go never Stay Up
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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