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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.

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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Common Day Husband Married Only Same Thing
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very
Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
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Before Enough Fiance Get Marry Meet Officer Parent Parole
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Blood Discontinue Know Type
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Beneath Breast Knee Law Left Mother Out Pain Trick Tuned
I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women
If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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Enough Laugh Wrinkle

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