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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.

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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Cook Food Lose May never Serve Taste
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Admit Away Boyfriend Drive Forty Live Mile Sex Tremendous
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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self-pity is better than none.
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I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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