My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLER






