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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.

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All Life Own Real Thing

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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Appendix Back Divorce Husband Like Put Remarry
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Along Always Easy Only Same Tell Understand
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Buddhism Depth Feng Numerous Straight Technology Transcendental Work
If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Beauty Came Constant Country Hit Last Mouth Once People Person
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Football never Olay Outfit Public Reason Same Wear Women
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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All mothers are working mothers.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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