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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

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Finish Half Hour Last Minute

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Just Justice Like Look Photograph
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Before Clean Grow House Kid Shovel Snow Stop Up
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
PHYLLIS DILLER

Cloth Doctor Go Look Love Man Say Take
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
PHYLLIS DILLER

Constant Difference Other Same Song Technology Thought Wine Year
You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Aligator Barefoot Compliment Know Shoe Someone
All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLER

All Mother Working
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Cheap Christmas Committed Eve Fre Husband Kids Santa Shot Suicide Tell
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beauty Came Constant Country Hit Last Mouth Once People Person
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Hat On Screw Wrinkle
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Accused Constant Country Drought Fire Food Mud Swanson
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beuty Estimate Hour Seven Shop Spent
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three

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