Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
PHYLLIS DILLERI have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
PHYLLIS DILLER