I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
PHYLLIS DILLERI am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
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Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
PHYLLIS DILLER