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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

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Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Away Children Home Keep Only Parent Some Thing Threaten
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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Beuty Estimate Hour Seven Shop Spent
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Admit Away Boyfriend Drive Forty Live Mile Sex Tremendous
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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Ago Ask Fresh Grass Hour Lady Milk Said Three Waiter
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Beaten Before Him Husband Lick Mixer Want
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Buddhism Depth Feng Numerous Straight Technology Transcendental Work
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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Chance Housework Kill Rake You
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
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Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Do Life Practice Work Yourself
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party
I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
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Central Crime Night Only Park Reduce Trade Walk Woman

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