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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

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Descend Foolish Listen Long Mother Very

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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Common Crave Far Mist Pregnant Prepare Women
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Beauty Came Constant Country Hit Last Mouth Once People Person
Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Appendix Back Divorce Husband Like Put Remarry
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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Bake Buildup Crud Cupcake Open Roo Single Such
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
self-pity is better than none.
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Better Ity None Self
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Blouse Once Peekaboo People Peek Too Wore
Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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Children Divorce Father Get Now Outside Remember
When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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Beach Come Even Go Tide
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Beneath Breast Knee Law Left Mother Out Pain Trick Tuned
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Cheap Christmas Committed Eve Fre Husband Kids Santa Shot Suicide Tell
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Blood Discontinue Know Type
My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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All Life Own Real Thing
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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Age Glove Love Old Sport Through
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
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Also Career Felt Husband Marriage Mix Work

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