Comedy is tragedy revisited.
PHYLLIS DILLERA bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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