As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
NORM MACDONALDBack in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
NORM MACDONALD






