As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
NORM MACDONALDBack in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
NORM MACDONALD