You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
NORM MACDONALDIt is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
NORM MACDONALD