All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
NORM MACDONALDThere are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
NORM MACDONALD