“Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.”

With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.

A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.

Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.

They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.

Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I don’t have any ambition.

All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.

In love, we are best pleased when we please others.

You can’t love your team without hating another team.

Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.

In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.

He that searches for praise will often find contempt.

If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.

Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.

Nothing is funnier than unhappiness, I grant you that. Yes, yes, it’s the most comical thing in the world.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Indian actors, because of the format of our stories, need to be good actors, and be able to perform emotional sequences, do a bit of comedy, dance and singing, action, because all of this forms just one film. In many ways I’d say there are greater demands on Indian actors than there are on Hollywood.

Comedy is difficult for an actor. But I think I have a good sense of humor and manage to make people laugh and make them happy.

Dark comedy helped me survive.

With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.

As drag queens and as comic people, we listen to our own artistic compass all the time.