In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
MARK TWAINAlways acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
More Mark Twain Quotes
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A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.
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I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
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When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
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Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.
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The secret to getting ahead is getting started.
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Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.
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If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.
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It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
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I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
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There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
MARK TWAIN