When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.
MARK TWAINDon’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
More Mark Twain Quotes
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Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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Obscurity and a competence – that is the life that is best worth living.
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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
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There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.
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Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
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If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
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The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.
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To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
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I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them.
MARK TWAIN