When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARXWhen you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARXI am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARXFrom the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARXIn studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARXLaugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARXMost young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARXI don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARXAnything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARXThe trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARXA child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARXRoom service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARXI’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARXI love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARXWhile money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX