I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARXI don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX