With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
GEORGE CARLINReligion is just mind control.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLIN