I have no agenda, nothing to control.
BOB SAGETThere are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
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What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
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They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
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Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
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Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.
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The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.
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Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.
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I love my mom! You can too for $12!
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A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
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My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.
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Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
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At the end of the day it’s the end of the day.
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Nobody can tell me what I can or can’t do, except they can.
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I become a chameleon for wherever I am.
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My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
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Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.
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I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
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It’s so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.
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Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.
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My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
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Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
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I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
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The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
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You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
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No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
BOB SAGET