You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
BOB SAGETThe squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
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There are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.
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I don’t roll like that but I’ve never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that’s good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that’s a little disturbing.
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If you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
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The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
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The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
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I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
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My mom just told me it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.
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Everyone I love I pay.
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I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.
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Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.
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My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
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My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.
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I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
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What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.
BOB SAGET