My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.
BOB SAGETPaul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, ‘you don’t mention that part here.’ But that’s what’s interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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Bob Saget was known, in the comedy clubs in those days, as extremely funny but with dark humor. It was always an inside joke among comics, when he got Full House, it was, like, wow, hes playing this all-American dad kind of thing.
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What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
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My mom just told me it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.
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Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
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I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
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I have no agenda, nothing to control.
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It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
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I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
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Nothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.
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They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
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The secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.
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Ladies, apologies, but isn’t ‘vintage’ just used stuff?
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The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
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In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.
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Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.
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Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.
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You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.
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My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
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25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
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Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
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I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.
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People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.
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When you’re famous, you’re always famous. It doesn’t go away.
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I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
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Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
BOB SAGET