“If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.”

I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.

My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.

I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.

I have no agenda, nothing to control.

In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.

Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.

It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.

If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.

I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.

Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.

I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.

I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.

I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.

My kids learned to color on this table. There’s been a lot that’s went around this table. Waylon Jennings sat right there in that chair and showed Miley the chords to ‘Good Hearted Woman.’ Sitting in that chair.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been a real deep thinker and stuff.

By doing that and being very competitive, the grown-ups started telling me even back before I started playing organized ball that I was too physical and too advanced for the kids my own age.

Everyone says how Calvin and Hobbes is about a real kid, to me there’s nothing real about it; it’s an adult using a kid’s body as a mouthpiece.

My kids, they’re always embarrassed when my voice shows up in something.

If I was US Lacrosse, I wouldn’t let any kids play field until they were 10 or 12.

Theres so much beautiful music in the world, and the kids are getting robbed.

You heard about, through word of mouth, Big Bird is out, he’s in the house. He’s turnin’ up, with Snuffleup, They’re really gettin’ their hustle up.