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I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

Bob Saget

Nobody can tell me what I can or can’t do, except they can.
BOB SAGET

Except Nobody People
My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
BOB SAGET

Anesthesia Given Havens
25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Crowds Screaming Something Sort Years
Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.
BOB SAGET

Fool Men Wise
It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
BOB SAGET

Make People Think Thinking
I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
BOB SAGET

Body Morning Red
My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
BOB SAGET

Diapers Saint Wife
In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.
BOB SAGET

Creative Forward Looking People
My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
BOB SAGET

Dad Dollar Funny Mom Sex
I will always prefer a hardback book, but I’m drawn to digital because it’s so easy to acquire them when I’m having a need-to-read moment.
BOB SAGET

Book Digital Needs
Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.
BOB SAGET

Banking Government Thinking
The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
BOB SAGET

Squirrels Way Yards
I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, ‘Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.’ It literally was a drive-by.
BOB SAGET

House Waiting Yesterday
Most people argue over who’s right, not about what the truth is.
BOB SAGET

Arguing People Truth
There are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.
BOB SAGET

Country People Two Wii
Everyone I love I pay.
BOB SAGET

Everyone Love Pay
I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
BOB SAGET

Censor Sick World
No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
BOB SAGET

Bus Driver Drivers
I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.
BOB SAGET

Acting Fun People
People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.
BOB SAGET

Each Other Feed People
You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
BOB SAGET

Friend Learn Lying
The secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.
BOB SAGET

Children Secret Way
I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they’re going to see it, especially her guy friends.
BOB SAGET

Aristocracy Guy Kids
My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.
BOB SAGET

Clothes Dad Mom
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.
BOB SAGET

Realizing Sometimes Wish
A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
BOB SAGET

Good Naked Together Way
Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.
BOB SAGET

Behind Every Great Man Men Prison

I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

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I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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