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I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.

Bob Saget

Nothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.
BOB SAGET

Fishes Nothing Pieces
Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
BOB SAGET

Four Letters Matter
Ladies, apologies, but isn’t ‘vintage’ just used stuff?
BOB SAGET

Apology Stuff Vintage
My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
BOB SAGET

Dad Dollar Funny Mom Sex
And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and… filled with stuffing.
BOB SAGET

Bird Country Cutting People
Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, ‘you don’t mention that part here.’ But that’s what’s interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.
BOB SAGET

Interesting People Way
You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
BOB SAGET

Friend Learn Lying
I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they’re really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I’m not laughing.
BOB SAGET

Hurt Laughing People
I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
BOB SAGET

Censor Sick World
There are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.
BOB SAGET

Country People Two Wii
When you’re famous, you’re always famous. It doesn’t go away.
BOB SAGET

Away Famous Going
I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Morning Thinking
If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
BOB SAGET

Change Something Things Wake
Everyone I love I pay.
BOB SAGET

Everyone Love Pay
What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
BOB SAGET

Car Girlfriend Kitchen
The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Interesting Thinking
My favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.
BOB SAGET

Cry Favorite Song Thinking
Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
BOB SAGET

Men Saw Son Yelling
I become a chameleon for wherever I am.
BOB SAGET

Become Chameleon Whenever
I don’t like to drink alone ’cause there’s nobody to fight with.
BOB SAGET

Causes Drink Fighting
Yet there are some people – Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he’s a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I’m doing it right now and you all seem bored.
BOB SAGET

Bored People Talking
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
BOB SAGET

Dirty Jobs Night
Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
BOB SAGET

Attack Cauterize Done People
Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.
BOB SAGET

Banking Government Thinking
When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
BOB SAGET

Hurt Love Pain Someone
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t said something foolish. It is then that I realize the power of mime.
BOB SAGET

Realizing Sometimes Wish
Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
BOB SAGET

Girl Met Reasonable Told

I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.

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I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.

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Popular Authors

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