A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
BOB SAGETMy haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
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I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
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A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
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I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
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I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.
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My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
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Yet there are some people – Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he’s a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I’m doing it right now and you all seem bored.
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The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
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I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
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I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.
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I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
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Ladies, apologies, but isn’t ‘vintage’ just used stuff?
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Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
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My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
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What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.
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Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?
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My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
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My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
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I have no agenda, nothing to control.
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I don’t roll like that but I’ve never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that’s good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that’s a little disturbing.
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It’s okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
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I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
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Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.
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I’m psyched about what I can contribute that can be meaningful to myself and to others.
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I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
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No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
BOB SAGET