No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
BOB SAGETMy mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
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My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
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I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
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It’s a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is – reading the news or speaking to people.
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I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
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Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.
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I have no agenda, nothing to control.
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When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
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My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
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I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, ‘Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.’ It literally was a drive-by.
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A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
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What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
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Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.
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My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.
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The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
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Nothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.
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My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
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Everyone I love I pay.
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A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
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They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
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I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
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I become a chameleon for wherever I am.
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At the end of the day it’s the end of the day.
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I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
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It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
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I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they’re really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I’m not laughing.
BOB SAGET