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My mom just told me it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

Bob Saget

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
BOB SAGET

Dirty Jobs Night
It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
BOB SAGET

Make People Think Thinking
The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Interesting Thinking
No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
BOB SAGET

Bus Driver Drivers
I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.
BOB SAGET

Acting Fun People
Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.
BOB SAGET

Fool Men Wise
When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
BOB SAGET

Hurt Love Pain Someone
Valuable people are undervalued.
BOB SAGET

People Undervalued Valuable
I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
BOB SAGET

Baby Feet Pedicures
The favorite method of vice is to diss all responsibility be work or social, go off by myself, and enjoy a good steak and a great glass of wine. Oh yeah, and my kids are there too.
BOB SAGET

Kids Responsibility Wine
Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.
BOB SAGET

Creativity Day Kindness New
In the creative sense, I’m looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.
BOB SAGET

Creative Forward Looking People
That was not Bob Saget. His comedic style is definitely more twisted, and he has an edgier side than he showed in Full House.
BOB SAGET

Country Definitely People Showed
My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
BOB SAGET

Diapers Saint Wife
My favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.
BOB SAGET

Cry Favorite Song Thinking
If you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
BOB SAGET

Hanging Negative People Two
I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Dirty Nuts Show Shows Television
25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Crowds Screaming Something Sort Years
I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
BOB SAGET

Fleas Hurt Spider
I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
BOB SAGET

Nice Pieces Salmon
It’s smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.
BOB SAGET

Smart Teacher Yoga
I don’t roll like that but I’ve never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that’s good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that’s a little disturbing.
BOB SAGET

Interviews Littles People
I’m fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.
BOB SAGET

Penguins People Want
What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
BOB SAGET

Car Girlfriend Kitchen
The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
BOB SAGET

Squirrels Way Yards
Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
BOB SAGET

Enjoy Masturbation Public
Bob Saget was known, in the comedy clubs in those days, as extremely funny but with dark humor. It was always an inside joke among comics, when he got Full House, it was, like, wow, hes playing this all-American dad kind of thing.
BOB SAGET

Dad Dark House

My mom just told me it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

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My mom just told me it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

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Popular Authors

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