One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPEThe only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
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Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
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And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them.
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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
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The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
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I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
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We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
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Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
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I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
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I have too much money invested in sweaters.
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I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
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Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.
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I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
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I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you.
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Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
BOB HOPE