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America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.

Bob Hope

I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
BOB HOPE

One Should Taxes Travel Years
Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
BOB HOPE

Funny Item People Telling Years
I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
BOB HOPE

Funny Inspirational Place Proactive Time
When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I’m breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That’s what gives me the strength to break the club.
BOB HOPE

Beautiful Break Breathing Miss Strength
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
BOB HOPE

Friend Funny Hate Inspiration
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Kissing Tea
By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.
BOB HOPE

Eighteen Engaged Finished Foursome
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Direction Helping Life Wondering
Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday … He would say, ‘Keep it sweet and short and don’t try to be funny.’
BOB HOPE

Singing Sweet Trying
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Successful
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE

Bombers Bombs Hell
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
BOB HOPE

Culture Hands Moving
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humble Humor
Lots of travel, away from home.
BOB HOPE

Away From Home Line One
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPE

Balls Forever Gifts Good Greatest Laughter Thank
Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Japan

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.

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America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.

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Popular Authors

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