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America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.

Bob Hope

The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
BOB HOPE

Act Agents Funny High Inside Trying
I can’t give up Golf, I’ve got too many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Division Fame Golf
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
BOB HOPE

Heart Humor Laughter
It’s amazing how many people you see on TV. I did my first television show a month ago, and the next day five million television sets were sold. The people who couldn’t sell theirs threw them away.
BOB HOPE

Day Next People See Sold Television
Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
BOB HOPE

Anything Resist Temptation
Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.
BOB HOPE

Best Friend Talking Tire
Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me.
BOB HOPE

Appreciate Want War Winding
I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
BOB HOPE

Four Girl Lives Sheltered
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE

Men One Line Religious
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Definitely Essence Life
I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
BOB HOPE

Age Golf Live Shoot
Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
BOB HOPE

Discover Funny Money Taken
You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra.
BOB HOPE

Book Funny Reading
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
BOB HOPE

Culture Hands Moving

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.

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America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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