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I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

Bob Hope

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.
BOB HOPE

Hands Men Ruined Stepping
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
BOB HOPE

Day Mean Motherhood Mothers
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Division Fame Golf
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
BOB HOPE

Failure Girlfriend House Sex
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
BOB HOPE

Anything Resist Temptation
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.
BOB HOPE

Age Calculate Fingers Rings
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
BOB HOPE

Food Funny Humorous
Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
BOB HOPE

Ambulance Golf Golfer Guy Slowly Speaks Time Way
Free speech isn’t dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Italian
In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.
BOB HOPE

Funny Rain Weather
Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
BOB HOPE

Business Golf Green Pay
Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
BOB HOPE

Decent Garden State
YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.
BOB HOPE

Concentrate Grandchildren One Thing Tim
When you get over 95, every day is your day.
BOB HOPE

Country Day Every Get Over People
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPE

Balls Forever Gifts Good Greatest Laughter Thank

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

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I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

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