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I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

Bob Hope

To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
BOB HOPE

Arrive Giving Ideas Still Two
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
BOB HOPE

England Hair Line One
I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
BOB HOPE

Home Marriage Years
If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
BOB HOPE

Golf Relax Right Thinking
It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.
BOB HOPE

Better Couple Funny Humorous
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
BOB HOPE

Jesus News Pissed
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
BOB HOPE

Addresses Government Perfect Return
My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
BOB HOPE

Gun Makeup Men Spray
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous
Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
BOB HOPE

Instant Laughter Vacation
A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.
BOB HOPE

Doctors Funny Heart Operating Table
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
BOB HOPE

Music Names Personality Play
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humble Humor
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Money People

I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

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I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

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