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In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.

Bob Hope

Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
BOB HOPE

Beach Golf Grass Pebbles
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
BOB HOPE

Country People Political Jokes
Television. That’s where movies go when they die.
BOB HOPE

Country Dies Movie People Television
I’ve got to watch myself these days. It’s too exciting watching anyone else.
BOB HOPE

Days Line One These Watches
I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
BOB HOPE

Animal Running White
There’s a very apt saying in show business: “If you don’t go over budget in Paris, you’re either very rich or very sick. “
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Paris
Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.
BOB HOPE

Country Littles People Promise Way
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he’s really pissed off.
BOB HOPE

Jesus News Pissed
I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
BOB HOPE

Games Golf Numeral Roman
The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
BOB HOPE

Act Agents Funny High Inside Trying
The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I’ve encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE – and a maid to press it for me.
BOB HOPE

Button Country Funny Hotel Humorous Maid Press Room Service
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
BOB HOPE

Food Funny Humorous
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.
BOB HOPE

Age Calculate Fingers Rings
A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.
BOB HOPE

Doctors Funny Heart Operating Table
Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
BOB HOPE

Decent Garden State

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.

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In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.

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