I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
BOB HOPEOn one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
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When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
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Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
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The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
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Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
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Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
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One of our stock lines used to be “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Bing, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me.” And that’s the way we go through life – doing nothing for each other!
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I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
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The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I’ve encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE – and a maid to press it for me.
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I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.
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Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
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Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!
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I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you’re turning the pages.
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Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
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I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you.
BOB HOPE