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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

Bob Hope

Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
BOB HOPE

Funny Item People Telling Years
It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.
BOB HOPE

Course Golf Wounded
You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra.
BOB HOPE

Book Funny Reading
We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
BOB HOPE

Ashes Country Funny Humorous People
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Friend Good Loss Weight
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous
If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
BOB HOPE

Golf Relax Right Thinking
I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, “Don’t worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it’s obsolete.”
BOB HOPE

Aircraft Asked Bob Obsolete Type Worry
When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I’m breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That’s what gives me the strength to break the club.
BOB HOPE

Beautiful Break Breathing Miss Strength
Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
BOB HOPE

Instant Laughter Vacation
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Love People Witty
My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
BOB HOPE

Gun Makeup Men Spray
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
BOB HOPE

Courses Decide Golf Play Spring
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Money People
The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.
BOB HOPE

Before Draw Engage Money Only Trouble

I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

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