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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

Bob Hope

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Funny Marriage Two
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
BOB HOPE

Country Humorous People Soup
Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It’s going to get us out of the house after dark!
BOB HOPE

Congratulations Dark House
The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.
BOB HOPE

Funny Giving Humor
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
BOB HOPE

Fields Flatterers Golf Shooting
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
BOB HOPE

Age Growing Long
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
BOB HOPE

Funny Hope Love
There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Pointed Rip
If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
BOB HOPE

Balls Golf Nation Slice Worry
I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
BOB HOPE

Four Girl Lives Sheltered
Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
BOB HOPE

Ambulance Golf Golfer Guy Slowly Speaks Time Way
As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window.
BOB HOPE

Food Funny Humorous
I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
BOB HOPE

Home Marriage Years
I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you’re turning the pages.
BOB HOPE

Extra Pages Personally Turning
The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
BOB HOPE

Act Agents Funny High Inside Trying

I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

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