“Only stupid one’s.”

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

Man can not live by bread alone, he must have peanut butter.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty, I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.

Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

The Internet is like Hitler they think they are getting rid of the problem but they’re not.

Never forget that the devil is there 24/7 too. He’s very, very busy.

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

Mediocre people are the most dangerous people in the world.

There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.

All Children Have Brain Damage!

And so the dentist says ‘Rinse.’ So you lean over, and you’re lookin’ at this miniature toilet bowl.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl there’s a little voice that say, ‘I wonder where he would go if it hadn’t been for his head.

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

Let not a man do what his sense of right bids him not to do, nor desire what it forbids him to desire. This is sufficient. The skillful artist will not alter his measures for the sake of a stupid workman.

Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way.

Who in the Bible besides Jesus knew–knew–that we’re carrying the Kingdom of Heaven around with us, inside, where we’re all too goddam stupid and sentimental and unimaginative to look?

I’ve said a million times that if more stupid people killed themselves over stupid songs, there would be less stupid people in the world.

I’ve always believed that a person is smart. It’s people that are stupid.

To Generalize is to be an Idiot; To Particularize is the Alone Distinction of Merit.

Stupidity is far more dangerous than evil, for evil takes a break from time to time, stupidity does not.

People are too lazy and too stupid to think for themselves that we’ve got sitcoms with canned laughter that let’s you know when to laugh if you’re to stupid to know when the joke is.