“Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.”

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven.

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you’re pouring, or drinking.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

The serve was invented so that the net could play.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.

I was the youngest child and really spoiled. I loved to play make-believe. I loved pretending to be all kinds of different people and it just seemed natural that I would go into acting.

Children need boundaries, so they can know how far they have to go to get beyond them.

We are all children searching for love.

If your children want to alter society, listen to their reasons and the idealism behind them. Don’t crush them with some clever remark straight away.

I actually get a lot of messages with people saying, ‘What’s a Marvin Gaye?’ and, I mean… Oh, wow. I must be getting old, because someone who was born in 2004 just asked me what a Marvin Gaye was.

Kids are a huge sacrifice; they change everything – but I’m ready to work for things of greater importance than going out to meet someone for dinner at 10 o’clock at night.

My mum was too busy raising four of us to encourage my hopes. But I’m glad I had the upbringing I did. It made me a worrier and a thoughtful, curious person.

This is one thing they forget to mention in most child-rearing books, that at times you will just lose your mind. Period.