I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
BILL COSBYHuman beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
More Bill Cosby Quotes
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Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn’t let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? Was not In the men’s room, Julie.
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No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
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That’s why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.
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As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest.
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In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
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It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.
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Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.
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When you become senile, you won’t know it.
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Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.
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All parents experience the same problems.
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Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
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Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.
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Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you’re pouring, or drinking.
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The serve was invented so that the net could play.
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People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.
BILL COSBY







