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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

Ambrose Bierce

War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
AMBROSE BIERCE

God Place Teaching War
To the eye of failure success is an accident.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Accident Eyes Failure Perspective Success
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Myself Reputation Thinking
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Fake Fools History Important Rule
Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Assasination Harmony Instrument
Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Harm Patient Prescription Situation
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Concession Demand Resort
Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Governement Party Prevent Rival Run
Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Death Money Person Praise Wealth
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Children Cold Compassionate Feeling Love Mom
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Fear Hope Ignorance Known Religion
RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Delusion Experience Observation Reflection Save
MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Brain Fact Himself Mindset Mysterious Nature
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Confession Law Prayer Universe Worth
Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Beautiful Belief Optimism Ugly
What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Believe Country Democracy Oneself Ruin

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

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Popular Authors

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