You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KINGMy father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
More Alan King Quotes
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING