A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KINGIt’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
More Alan King Quotes
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KING






