It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KINGIt’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
More Alan King Quotes
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING