And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KINGIt’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
More Alan King Quotes
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING






