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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’

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Father Help Leave Not True

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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Any Believe More Nobody Trust
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Modesty One Virtue
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Fight Keep Marriage Nature Stranger Way
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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Humor Jew Joke Objectivity Only Refer Speak Stage Unfunny
I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Being Bird Come Early Gonna Mind Sixty-five Special Tell
There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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Charm Humor Rhythm Soul
If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Always Art Even Humour Somebody Want Weapon
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Armor Eat Place Suit

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