I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KINGYou want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING






