One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KINGThe ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
More Alan King Quotes
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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