When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KINGOne morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
More Alan King Quotes
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KING