Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
ALAN KINGOne morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
More Alan King Quotes
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING -
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING






