Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KINGOne morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
More Alan King Quotes
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KING