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I was a high school throw-out.

Alan King

Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KING

Alongside Dictionary Milton Party Took Tremendous Vaudeville
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING

Book Love Marriage Read Separate Two Want
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
ALAN KING

Bank Banker Chain Come Down Friend Image New Pen
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KING

Grub Hypochondriac Miser Money Worrywart
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
ALAN KING

Ball Everything Matzoh Mother Sank
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
ALAN KING

Bigotry Father First Oppression Read Talk Think Time
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING

Better Father Parent
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KING

Bed Eat Favorite Out Saturday Spend Sport Television Watch Way
My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING

Coverage Fire Frown Kind Lawyer Problem Theft
There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
ALAN KING

Any Believe More Nobody Trust
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
ALAN KING

Atom Think Expense Great Humor Someone Something
If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KING

Alive Current Funny Keep Yourself
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KING

Always Big Consider End Failure Line Old Socialist Unionist
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING

Bad Good Joy Over Place Review Scream Unhappy
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING

Get Good Know Look Old People Tell
My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
ALAN KING

Country Cutter Dreamer Father Handbag Hero Smart Tough

I was a high school throw-out.

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I was a high school throw-out.

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