Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGI was a high school throw-out.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
ALAN KING