Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KINGI think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
More Alan King Quotes
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
ALAN KING