Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLA