California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
ADAM CAROLLAWell, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLA