Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
ADAM CAROLLAFigure out what to do, then take a nap.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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