Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
ADAM CAROLLAFigure out what to do, then take a nap.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
ADAM CAROLLA






