I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
ADAM CAROLLAFigure out what to do, then take a nap.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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I get depressed at airports.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA